Sincere inspirations of a silly kid

Here is a picture fro Misawa, Japan where my cousin Kiel was stationed. I've been in a Jet like that before, an f-16 c/d Wild Weasel. Kiel has probably influenced me more than anyone i can think of from my family. He's far from perfect yet he is stable, successful and soooo smart. In the Airforce he reconstructed, designed, maintained, and diagnosed the computer and navigation systems in the f-16's. He helped me pursue my passion for computers and has always been there as a sounding board. Him, computers, success, happiness,,, all of such became inspirations that carry on even into today. 

You never realize how bad something truly is until you've experienced better... Looking back to my childhood, i realized now how bad things became. As a child, i knew there was something better, i knew i could be happy like all my friends, i knew one day i wouldn't have used clothes, that i wouldn't have to starve to feed my brother and sister,, that i could just become me, i didnt know how, but i'd be ok. Ok is such a silly word, its so neutral,  it lacks any of care, and it leaves the door wide open for any event;  a fleeting expression for a moment of sustained contention... I wanted to do everything as a kid, you name an occupation, i planned to master it.a fireman, a pilot, a surfer, business man, chef,, all of the above and then some, that was my goal. It's funny how time will slowly chip away at your dreams, your goals, your life,,, Noelle, i Hate my past with my passion, how i cannot control it, how time chipped at me until im only a fragment of what i could have been in the future. I hate how i cannot share to you a happy life, a life that hasn't been poisoned by the afflictions of family and fear. I hate that i don't know my family, how i cannot name them, how i cannot list them, their a segment of my life purposely forgotten and lost. Noelle, I love you. I love you,.. i don't have any hopes or dreams anymore, because all they shed is a sense of desire and disappointment. All i can do is trust Christ; to let him lead and walk me through life. I cannot express how happy i am that he brought you into my l ife, my best friend,,, a hope, a dream; not of myself,,, but a desire and want led by God, a true and sincere step of life. This week will be hard, this week will be long, this week will grasp our soul and trample it underfoot. But the Lord can use it, He can have our sacrifices, and turn the, into happiness. I love you Noelle. Run with me. Lets run into this week like there is just the finish line in sight, they can't slow us down if we can outrun them, they can control our lifestyle but not our life, our hatred but not our heart, our pavilion but not our prayer,,, our laughter but not our love... We need to trust the Lord in all things babe, respect your dad, love the Lord and know ill always be here ok? Praying for you, Praying for your family, Praying for us, text me call me, smile for me, i love you Noelle Nitasha, so so so so so much.