Not that this post would have any meaning,, seeing as it is thought that i do not care about it.... but within all regards i do.. i've never blogged in my life before this nor have a heard of it. It seems a crude diary of memories, thoughts and emotions, and the attempt to inscribe it in the "cloud" the cyber infrastructure for personal use. Otherwords, its ours,,, its ment to be mobile, a place where we can meet halfway in a sense, no matter the miles. neither near or far. it brings the distance of a physical location to zero so that we are two places at once.. Sorry i havn't posted in a while, im sorry i've made you cry, im sorry,,, I'm sorry i've hurt you, to make you feel rejected, to make you feel without any worth, but i do care, and i care about this blog. but the blog is only a means to erase the physical distance. not to erase feelings... and i'm sorry i made you hurt,,, Every morning, i wish i were diffrent, that i could press control-z and undo all the mistakes i've made.. to undo the bad habits, selfish thoughts, sin, mistakes, anger, in my life... wish i didn't have my job that makes me feel shackled with weigts around my neck, to have pain every morning i awake.. wish i could be consistent in what i do, and stay consistent, to stoip being so imature to the point im no diffrent than a highschool kid. Your so far away... and i feel this dark cloud inching near and near noelle, i can feel weights dragging me to the ground, depressing me into the value of worthlessness. my life feels vain noelle, im lonely without you. i need you noelle, i need you... i'm trying to break free from this depression, to be happy for you again,,, to be who i was,,, but i just feel so vain... so,,, worthless noelle... im sorry for everything :(
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I will always try to help you... but I may struggle at times. =/ I'm always here for you Levi. I need you. And this blog means more to me than you realize. Maybe someday you'll understand.
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